Stop Being So Professional: Why Formal Writing Kills Sales

Hello and welcome to the podcast. This is your first time listening to the podcast. My name is Tavishima Ayede. I'm your host for today, our former lawyer and a former lawyer now turned business consultant. And on this podcast, we talk about business problems every single day, especially from a sales perspective because I believe that sales and selling are the lifeblood of a business because that is what leads to revenue.

And it is revenue that gets our businesses to be moving, to be growing, to be functioning, to be thriving. In fact, I tell people that when it comes to business, that money covers a multitude of sins when it comes to business. If you have money, then you can start worrying about other things. So the first thing that we have to worry about when we have a business is money. That's the reason why on this podcast we are focused on how to get to money, how to get to revenue.

How can we get revenue quick, quick, quick? How can we get customers? How can we get clients? How can we get repeat business? How can we build relationships? How can we maximize the lifetime value of a customer? So those are the sorts of problems that we look at over here on the podcast. But of course, if you reach out to me, because I give my phone number at the beginning and at the end of every single episode, because you have any business question, you know, I'll, I'll,

I'll give it my best shot. And I'll always look at things from a sales and business development perspective. But of course, if your problem is something else, you know, I'll have to refer you to another specialist, like the listener of the podcast who reached out and turned out that our problem was with commingling and financial accountability and all those sorts of things. Of course, I don't do those things because that's not my area of specialty.

Oh, by the way, if you want to reach out because you want to connect or you want to say hello, my name is Tavishma. You can find me on LinkedIn. Then you can also send me a text message or a WhatsApp message on 08064662140. Now today, what we're going to be looking at is, and I put it, how to write Better Business emails. Yeah, let me put it that way. How to write Better Business emails or how to communicate better in business.

Now, the reason why we're doing this today is because in Nigeria and particularly, you know, there's a way that they trained us when we're in primary school and I'm sure it's still the case. OK, maybe things are different now, but you know, like I'm from that NTA Sesame Street generation, you know, late 70s, early 80s. So back then we were taught how to write correctly. So you know, your letter would be properly formatted, you'd have a proper address, you'd have an introduction.

The introduction would lead to the body of the letter. Then the body of the letter will expand on some things. And then you will end with, you know, you'll end with, you know, doxology sincerely, faithfully, you know yours, whatever. And then you now send your e-mail. Now, that is not a bad way to write. And I guess it wasn't a bad way to write in the 80s and in the 90s. But by the way, it also is a proper way to write in an academic context.

So for the purposes of school, yes, that is how you should write. However, when it comes to business, especially sales, sales and selling is different. When we're, say, when we're selling and when we're in sales, what we're trying to do is we're trying to cultivate the relationship. We're trying to figure out what people want. We're trying to get them to speak their mind. We're trying to speak our own mind very freely, very frankly,

very honestly so that people know what it is that they are expecting. So in the business context, particularly when we're trying to close the deal, it does not help when we are writing or texting. I were texting so to hear therefore therefore forthwith and it's all formal. And, you know, when it comes to sales, we're not writing to pass exams. So in sales and in business, when money is on the line, our writing should be different.

It shouldn't be as formal. We should tap it down. We should make it conversational. Because remember, what we're trying to do is we're trying to get this other person, the potential customer or client, to speak their mind so that we know what their problem is and we know whether our product or our service can help. Then we also be able to speak very frankly so that they will be very clear on what it is that they are receiving.

Because remember, when it comes to sales, the goal here is we want to collect our money clean and neat without quarrel. Tomorrow. We want to sell our thing now, sell it neat and then everybody is happy so that tomorrow I can wake up and start chasing the next customer without somebody calling me to say this thing has broken down, this thing doesn't work. This is what you promised me. How can you do this? You're a criminal.

You're this, I will give you bad review, blah, blah, blah. Communications are easiest to expectations are best and easiest. How will I put it now? So this thing is escaping me. Let me just put it this way. When we're trying to get somebody's expectations or want to know what's on their mind and when we also want to pass across what it our own expectations, our own obligations, it is best done in a very conversational format.

That way people will understand it and understand it with the right emphasis. But remember, we're talking about sales. So when you secure the sale and you're coming up with the documentation, coming up with the contracts, coming up with whatever, yes, the contract can be very formal. The warranty documents can be very formal. If you have to render statement of accounts later on, yes, then render your statement of account in a very formal way.

Let everything be proper, proper. But for the purpose of trying to close this deal, it would help if we stay away from formal writing. Now, to flesh this out, let me use a very concrete example. And this one is from one of my clients that I'm currently working with. So they are in the real estate space, and they've come up with an app that should make it easier to connect buyers to renters and, you know, things like that.

I'm not going to say the name of the company because I don't have their permission to do that. Oh, by the way, sorry, I'm making today's recording out and about. I'm in the parking lot. So I said, let me just make this quick recording. So you're going to be hearing some noise in the background, you know, the some factory work going on, drivers driving by, you know, stuff like that. So this particular company, what they did was we have been going through what we've been trying to do is we've been trying to validate the business idea.

For those of you who listen to the podcast, you know what my framework for starting a business. And of course, the framework involves 3 steps, which is we want to make sure that we have the right idea to begin with. We want to make sure that we have, we can develop a selling framework around the idea. And what is the third step? I can't remember. That is my own framework anyway, don't mind me. So as part of the steps that are involved now when we're starting a business is we want to make sure that we have the right idea in the first place.

The part of making sure that we have the right idea is we want to be sure that we kind of validate this idea that we can get signs or signals from the market that this is an idea that people think is worth paying for. We want to be sure that there is market demand. For instance, take a look at this podcast. It doesn't matter what I feel if I think podcasting is the greatest thing on the face of the earth and I keep on trying to make a podcast but Nigerians do not care about podcasting.

It does not matter how many times I wake up, I keep spitting into this microphone. The podcast will not grow. So I started the podcast six years ago and I had a simple thesis that Nigerians will eventually start listening to podcasts and they will start digging podcasts. And so I try my luck and lo and behold, people are finding the podcast and the podcast is growing. And currently we have over 4000 subscribers on Spotify alone.

I can't verify the other channels because I don't have access to to those figures. So you people finding the podcast, listening to the podcast, downloading the podcast, sharing the podcast, talking about the podcast is market validation that this is a good idea. So you need to do the same thing for your businesses. It doesn't matter what it is, whether you want to be in the jewelry business or in the chicken business or you know,

whatever ideas you want to do. You want to get clear signals from the market that people think this is a good idea, that there is demand for this idea, that people are willing to pay for this idea and that the amount of money that they're willing to pay is good enough so that there's something to reinvest back into the business and maybe also keep small money so that we can flex. So that is market validation. So for this client of mine in the real estate space, we're currently trying to validate this idea.

So all we've been doing is we've been running advertisements to Nigerians who are based abroad in diaspora to see if they are interested in buying or renting properties back home in Nigeria. So the idea is very simple. We run a bunch of advertising campaigns. We see how many people click, the number of people click. We see how many people show up for a meeting or a phone call, the number of people who show up for a meeting or a phone call.

We see how many people pay for the service at the end of the day. We'll now sit back and review based on that, we'll now be able to answer that, OK, what we've done so far, this is a good idea or this is a bad idea. If it's a bad idea, we'll now start talking, OK, how can we pay for it? How can we change? How can we move on to something else? It was a good idea. We'll now say, OK, how can we, how can we grow this thing?

How can we get more clients? So part of the process of validation right now is we're running advertisements to Nigerians in diaspora. Let's see how many people click. And then of course, some people clicked on the advertisement and the sales team, the sales team for the company reached out, you know, as as normal, you know, some people click, you reach out and they don't respond. So of course, you just have a follow up, have a follow up attempt.

Oh, by the way, I advise them, not my clients that look, let's do this primarily over the phone because remember, this is sales. So the, oh, I put it now there's a communications hierarchy. I've been talking about that a lot these last 2-3 weeks. When I, what I mean when I say communications hierarchy is not all forms of communication are created equal. They all have different levels of effectiveness. I was going to say effectivity,

but I don't think that's a word. So they have different levels of effectiveness. So face to face is the most effective form of communication because you can see the person, you can understand what is that they're trying to say based on tone, based on body language, based on, you know, the way they're squeezing their face, you know, whether you're making progress or you're not. So face to face is the best, but of course it's the most expensive because you have to try up and go and see somebody.

Then after that is voice. So phone call, phone call, Zoom call, Telegram call, Skype call, you know, Sharp Facebook audio call, LinkedIn audio call, any kind of call or voice should be most effective. After that would be video. I don't know why some people will say video should be more expensive. Sorry, effective, but actually video is not. Maybe because video technologies any I don't know, but maybe makes people nervous and people are worried or how do I look, is the lighting OK blah blah blah.

And so they're distracted by other things and maybe because of that they're not communicating the best that they should. Then finally text based forms of communications are the worst especially e-mail because e-mail is formal and then e-mail inboxes are full. Me personally, I have like 1000 something emails. I haven't even checked Some people even worse, people ignore emails is easy to go. So e-mail is the least effective.

Then text message and WhatsApp message are more effective than e-mail because especially WhatsApp, WhatsApp is a much more conversational form of communicating. So people see the WhatsApp and you assume you're in a communication, unlike when you receive an e-mail. An e-mail is you know is an official form of communication. So that is the hierarchy of communications that you know is from the most effective to the least effective.

So I told this my clients that you know what, it might cost a bit of money, but no, I just load up the phone and yes, international number, no problem. All you do is you dial and have a quick chat. From there you will now switch to WhatsApp and continue the conversation through there. So they took my advice, they tried dialing and of course you know, people didn't answer. So next you send WhatsApp message and people didn't answer.

So follow up WhatsApp message. So I told the lady who is heading the sales team that craft a message and let the message say this is this and that that that because she was thinking of giving up. And I said, no, we don't just give up like that. All you do is you send a message trying to confirm if they were interested in the first place or if they remember clicking that kind of thing. So she took my advice and then I want to read out to you the message that she sent back to me.

And this is the reason why I'm making today's podcast episode because the message, it's too formal. It's too too formal. But based on how they taught us when we're in primary school in Nigeria, the message is OK. But I'm telling you that for the purpose of sales, for the purpose of drawing somebody into a conversation, or for the purposes of building a relationship, these kinds of messages are too formal. So this is what the message said.

And I'm reading word for word. Hello Comma, you reached out earlier in response to our advertisement regarding buying or renting properties in Nigeria. Kindly confirm if you recall the inquiry and if you are still interested in buying or renting a property. I look forward to your response. And then that's how it ended. In fact, I look forward to your response. You know, that's the very Nigerian expression. Another one that we Nigerians like to use is thanking you.

Thank you very much in anticipation of your response. At least I'm happy she didn't use that one. Thank you very much in anticipation of your response. Nigel, we can write you. So that was it, but I think it's too formal. Now. I have been telling you guys over here on the podcast over and over again that we shouldn't be afraid of artificial intelligence tools and that in fact, we can use artificial intelligence tools to make our business processes a lot easier.

Now this is one way that we can we can use AI tools to make our business communications sound more conversational or sound more informal. Some of you be shocked, some of you will say, how can you use AI to make your writing sound less formal? It's very simple. I'll show you how. In fact, for this one, it was a one line prompt that I used just to how I put it, make this thing better. Now normally what I would have done in the old days was I would have looked at this message.

Hello, you reached out earlier in response to advertisement regarding buying or renting properties in Nigeria. Kindly confirm if you recall the inquiry and if you're still interested in buying or renting property. I look forward to your response. Now in the good old days, I would have rewritten this thing myself and try to make it much more simpler and try to make it much more conversational. Because if it's simple and conversational, especially if it ends in a call to action, then we increase the chances that people will respond.

By the way, when you end your message by saying I look forward to a response, that is not a call to action. That is not a question and that is not the kind of thing that pushes anybody to respond because look at this message. Hello, you reached out earlier in response to our advertisement regarding buying or renting properties in Nigeria. Kindly confirm if you recall the inquiry and if you're still interested in buying or renting a property.

I look forward to your response. It didn't end with the question. You're not begging the person to respond to something. So, but anyway, this is what I did. I took this exact thing that she sent to me and then I added a one line prompt at the beginning and I wrote this. This was my instruction to Google Gemini. That's what I use, but it will work with whatever you use. So my instruction was this. Rewrite this to make it easier to understand.

That was all. This is my one line prompt. Let's say you write an e-mail to somebody, right? First of all, just write it with your full chest. Write it however it is. They taught you in primary school how you've been taught to write. Just just write it. Then when you're done, if you think it's too long or if you think it's too worthy, or if you think the grammar is too big or whatever, just simply add this. Just simply throw this in your AI tool, and then the prompt you're going to use is you will tell the tool.

Rewrite this to make it easier to understand. So excuse me, I'm recovering from a gold. I can assure you that whatever it is that comes back will be much more simpler, easier to digest. You can edit that and then send. So that was my prompt. Rewrite this to make it easier to understand. I threw it into Google Gemini. And then this is what Google Gemini came up with. Listen option one. Google Gemini said hello comma. You recently reached out about our property listings in Nigeria.

Do you still have a moment to chat about buying or renting a home? Let me know if you're still interested. You can see that that's very short. You said that kind of thing. Let me know if you're still interested in answering the question. Questions beg your response. Something short and straight to the point like this has a higher chance that somebody is going to what somebody's going to respond. And that is what we try to do when we're in sales and when we're trying to build a relationship, when we're trying to entice somebody into a conversation, keep it short,

keep a conversation or end with a question. Then option 2 was supposed to be much more professional and this is what Google Gemini said. Hello Comma. I'm following up on your inquiry regarding our Properties for Sale and rent in Nigeria. Are you still looking for a property? Please let me know if I can help with your search. You can see that one is also short and straight to the point. I would have preferred for it to end on a question mark because remember if you end with a question or you end with a call to action, the chances that people will respond are higher.

So for me, I would have preferred for it to end on, are you still looking for a property question mark? And then just send it like that. Now the way that our teachers taught us to write in primary school, I know that you will be uncomfortable sending an e-mail to somebody and the e-mail, the letter or the e-mail ends your question mark in the end with full stop. I know you are uncomfortable, but trust me. Please trust me.

I'm the specialist when it comes to sales. Doing it this way increases the chance that somebody actually is going to respond to your message. If you don't believe me. OK, well, there's no way for you to verify, but I'm currently doing training now that started on Monday the 19th of January 2026, and it is something that the participants have been able to testify to. There was one guy who claims that he has been sending emails to a prospect for one year, no response.

But then after one of our sessions, the guy picked up the phone, made one phone call, and they have made progress with one phone call. I said a lot. Some people find it hard to believe, but just take it. That is the truth, at least for now. In 2026, e-mail is not a very effective form of communication. Face to face or phone call is a lot more effective. However, if you must e-mail, it would help if you employ some of the techniques that we're talking about here.

So ending your keeping your e-mail short, keeping your e-mail conversational, ending it with a call to action or ending it with a question mark improves the chance that somebody will respond. And of course, there are people who try this and they see the difference. Remember, this is sales. We're trying to entice people into a conversation. If we can't have a conversation, we will not stand a chance to close the deal. Then option 3 for this message from Google Gemini.

This one is supposed to be short and bold. And then it said, hello comma, I'm following up on your interest in our Nigerian properties. Are you still looking to buy or rent? I look forward to hearing from you. You can see down the very short and straight to the point. But of course, I prefer that you end with the question. So I would have removed that last line so that mine would read. Hello comma, I'm following up on your interest in our Nigerian properties.

Are you still looking to buy or rent? Question mark. Then you send. Now that kind of thing begs a response. So summary, if you want to improve your business communications, remember the communications hierarchy. To communicate and try and close the deal face to face is the best. After that is audio. Voice. After that is video. After that is text. For text, WhatsApp and SMS are conversational. They're the best. E-mail is the least effective,

so pursue it in that order. Whichever 1 is most convenient. For some people, the only thing you have is e-mail address, so if that's the case, well, you're on your own. OK, well it's not like you're on your own. There are things you can do. So for the e-mail, remember, make it short, make it conversational. Don't make it formal. Don't make it stuffy. No big grammar. Don't write like how your English school teacher in primary school told you to.

Write right as if you're just writing to a normal, regular, everyday person. Then end the e-mail with a call to action or a question mark. A call to action is what you want somebody to do next. Propose the next step. If you propose the next step, you increase the chances that somebody will actually carry out that next step or just end it with a question mark. If I that's what I tell my clients because some people find it hard to grasp the concept of a call to action.

So I just tell people, you're sending an e-mail, every single e-mail sharing with a question mark or I'll go and craft it. Let me see your question mark. OK, let's do it that way. Ignore call to action. Every single e-mail you send, let the e-mail end in a question mark. At this stage where we're worried about closing the deal in this early stage where we're still toasting them, where we're still chasing them, every single e-mail should be short, should be conversational, should go straight to the point.

There should be no big grammar and then ending with a question mark. If you don't know how to do it yourself, use this one line prompt, which is you will tell your AI tool, you will say, dear perplexity, dear AI, dear Audacity, dear Google, Gemini, dear ChatGPT, please rewrite this e-mail to make it easier to understand and then send. It will come back with a shorter and a much easier version of your e-mail. If I will give you several versions, pick the one you want and then make it out in your own voice.

Cut it shorter if you can. Make sure the thing ends in a question mark, and you will find that your responses will increase. Yeah, so that's it. That's the reason why I'm making today's podcast episode. In fact, I'm hoping that this suggestion is going to be able to bless somebody's business life today. And if you found this podcast to be valuable, please subscribe on Spotify, on YouTube, on Apple, on anywhere that you listen to podcasts and audio material.

Also share the podcasts with your friends, your family members, even your enemies. Because if your enemies prosper, you prosper too. I'll explain that later on. It's some financial physics. You know you won't get it, but I'll explain it later. So share this with your enemies as well. Then if you would love to connect with me, you can call. You can send me a text message or a WhatsApp message on 08064662140. Thank you very much for your time and attention.

I will catch you all some other time.